5 For Hope

Where We Find Ourselves

It's been a little over one year since we returned from Ethiopia with M3. Our family has been through quite a wringer in the last 12 months. We are bumping up against some hard truths and trying to make sense of lots of things that simply don't have answers. We are seeking clarity in waters more murky than one could imagine. We are looking for any shred of hope wherever we go, but finding none. And, the "last resort" move we thought we'd never have to make is scheduled for the afternoon of the 26th of this month.

Needing a Minute to Reflect

For the first time in the past year, our house has experienced a relatively even keeled week. [Quick! I request you knock on wood immediately!] In the spirit of a student I had once who thought, "What are the goods and the bads of your job?" was a good question to ask in an interview (and, yes, I was a college professor then), I now bring you the Goods and the Bads of our family since the last post.

You Should Not Have Said The Word "Impossible"

Some of you reading this blog may only "know" me through the blog and perhaps only since the blog started.  Others of you may have met me long before our adoption journey began and have followed all the steps that have carried us to this spot. 

One thing you may have gathered is that I'm not the most flexible of individuals and I am, in fact, quite stubborn.  I don't deal well with change.  I'm not a fan of the unknown.  The word "If" is far less preferred in my vocab than the words "When" or "Is."  I'm just not a fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants kind of chickie. 

The surefire way to have me dig in my heels, however, is for you to tell me something is out of my hands.  To agree with me that I cannot do something.  To stroke my bruised ego and tell me that lesser people would have fled long ago and that anytime I want to wave my surrender flag, you'll be there to take all my efforts, hard work, and due diligence and hand them off to someone else.  Tell me that there are no answers.  No way to figure this out. 

No hope.

If You Have Nothing Nice To Say...

It's been awfully quiet around 5 for Hope.  It is not because things have not been happening--things have definitely been occurring.  I simply couldn't bring myself to post about most of it because I don't like being a Negative Nelly.  I have spent a good seven months being a Negative Nelly, however, but it doesn't become easier.

I decided, though, that I'm not alone in thinking, "I wish SOMEONE would be honest and talk about this!"  I had to let the idea of wading into a pretty unoccupied pool settle before I ventured into unchartered territory.

Life isn't always sunshine and Skittles and unicorns.  In fact, most of the time it isn't.  But, if you are in the process of adopting or thinking about adopting, you might gather that impression from what you read.  Maybe I didn't use the right Google search terms.  Maybe I was selectively in tune with things that said what I needed to hear to remain sane.  Maybe I am egregiously more naive than I ever would have believed.  Whatever the case, I choose disclosure over omission.  I choose honest dialogue over silence.  And, I support truly informed choice over shell games.

So, it is with those choices in mind that I update you on where we find ourselves now after ten months of having M3 in our household.