5 For Hope

Changes, But Not In Adoption World.

In our family's world, we have had big changes this week.  My husband reported for duty on Sunday evening and then headed south for the final leg of his training before heading overseas.  Even though I
may be able to travel to where he is and see him one more time before he goes, the girls will not. 

So, they had to say their goodbyes to Daddy on Sunday and it was a pretty tearful little exercise. 

M1 did most of her crying at the armory, on the way home and after going to bed.  M2 did ALL her crying in the half-hour it took to get her IN to bed.

I snapped this photo before all the goodbyes began.  M2, wearing 3-D glasses and her cheesy grin and M1 in her outfit she laboriously selected from her closet to be just right.

We are doing better now.  M2 still has some trouble at bedtime, but that is to be expected.  Frankly, I do too!  Daddy has been able to call home each day this week and that is a luxury that we won't have soon so I'm trying to impress upon the girls how important it is to talk when we can.

Last night, I asked M2 if she wanted to talk to her Dad.  She said, "No.  I don't think so tonight.  But, tell him if he calls tomorrow night, I will be pleased to speak with  him."  WHERE does she come up with these things?!  He called tonight and she did, in fact, speak with him.

We are still waiting on home study approval.  I think the adoption agency wants to have a better ratio of open referrals to families moving through court and that is understandable with some of the snags that have been happening in our program.  Nothing major, just some blips that created a teeny backlog.  I'm not a patient girl, though, so no news is not good news where I'm concerned (even if I say that ALL the time!).  All in God's time, I keep telling myself.  Truly, if I didn't have an understanding that someone else is running this show, I'd lose it!

I hope to have an update to report soon that has to do with our adoption, but I will keep you posted nonetheless! 

No Change.

Sometimes, maintaining the status quo makes you smile.  No new worries, everyone is traveling along and the bumps in the road disappear.  When you are working on bringing home a child from another country, however, status quo begins comfortably enough but quickly earns the label "for the birds."

We are waiting on final approval of our home study.  It's been a week now since it has been submitted, but who is counting?!  I know these things take time and such.  I just wish I had time.

Tomorrow, my husband and I will go to our bank to secure a letter regarding our accounts there.  This letter will go in our dossier.  I also have to go over my magic red binder with a fine tooth comb so we can visit our notary tomorrow and have every single stitch of paper in that binder finalized.  My husband heads off this weekend and although sending mail to another state will be infinitely easier than sending it to another country, I'd like to have things done before he leaves--at least what we have control over, that is.

I landed a contract position for the summer and it will help our bottom line quite a bit.  The schedule will be nice and flexible and I will love the work, so that's great.  Now all I have to do is figure out what this means to my adoption paperwork, if anything.  It's always interesting trying to figure out what's what.  Luckily, our caseworker at the adoption agency is efficient and top-notch.  I figure I'll produce a version of the form with the additional information and one without it.  We will use whichever we are directed to, but have the comfort of knowing bases are covered.

We won't have a chance to see the official referral before my husband leaves and we're okay with that.  We didn't anticipate it being an option, but when it seemed like it might be, we did get ourselves a little excited.  It's hard to think about experiencing all the ups and downs alone, but I remind myself that lots of military wives have biological and adopted children come into their lives while their husbands are deployed.  I hate that he has to miss things or hear about them second hand, but thank goodness for the technology that will help me record every little bit of every little thing to share with him later.

Please keep us in your thoughts as we prepare to take on some big challenges.  We are trying to treat this as an adventure in teamwork and so far, it's working.  When I think about what this deployment would be without the impending joy of bringing M3 home, it is a pretty dismal thought.  She has already brought so much joy and anticipation into our lives.  We have been blessed so much and she isn't even here yet!

I hope I have a reason to blog again before the week is finished!

Major Milestone Straight Ahead!

Our adoption agency caseworker notified me yesterday that our home study has been submitted for final review!  This is HUGE.  Once it is approved, we will be able to apply for adoption grants, finish our application process with the USCIS and be eligible to receive our official referral of M3!

I'm going to enjoy the excitement of this knowledge probably for the entire time it will take to have the report approved.  This is a major gateway milestone that opens the door to so many other exciting opportunities and milestones!

I want to thank each and every one of you who jumped on board 5 for Hope in those very early weeks because YOU made it possible for us to start the home study ball rolling.  We appreciate your efforts so much and especially are grateful for your faithful following of our progress!

I'm feeling confident that we are quickly moving toward the end of the Paper Chase.  THAT'S AMAZING and I cannot wait to be waiting!

What a TGIF moment this is!

Last night, the girls and I attended the first of our minor league baseball games that we will attend this summer.  Every season, I take the girls' photo on our first game night. 

I have a collection of three or four photos now. 

When I showed the girls how nicely their photo had turned out, M1 said, "Next year, we'll have to make room for three faces in that picture, Mom!" 

She's so right!

Chasing that Paper...

I've been asking SO MANY questions of our caseworker at the adoption agency.  She assures me my questions are not idiotic.  She also assures me that I am not a terrible pain in her tuckus.  I choose to believe her because she is so very sweet and conscientious that if I thought I were causing her stress, I would feel even more intrusive than I do when I send her yet ANOTHER e-mail!

I found out via one e-mail or another and a phone conversation that I have been dreading several steps to the dossier process that do not actually exist.  Ha!  Isn't that so like me?!  Reading too much into the very detailed (and clear!) instructions I have been given only to find out I created a process in my mind much more onerous than the one that actually needs completed.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me!  I keep thinking to myself, 'That's it?!  Are we sure?!  Man!  We're closer than I thought!"

I so want to be able to put the finishing touches on our dossier (everything we have control over which would be all but the clearance from USCIS) while my husband is home so we can complete this huge step together and I can send him into his last phase of training with the knowledge that everything is well in hand.

After all I learned today, I think that is completely possible.  Yea!

Thanks so much for your continued support and interest in our journey.  We are moving along and I feel like in the next few weeks we'll be making big strides to finally be waiting instead of paper chasing.  Stay tuned!

What Paperchasing Really Looks Like

Aside from the time spent on the internet, the miles in the car, the time in waiting rooms, and in line at the post office, you can bet a paperchase requires some good, old fashioned organization of actual paper.

Exhibit A:  My dining room table mid-organization of my dossier paperwork thus far.  Keep in mind, the dossier, albeit very important and multi-faceted, is but one in any number of applications, forms, etc. that an adoptive family has to complete. 

This is what an incomplete dossier looks like when it is in its natural state.  Blech!

Oh, the horror!!!

I'm not sure I told you, but I'm a recovering obsessive compulsive person who had to let some things go when she married and had children lest she lose her mind.  Not everyone understands my overwhelming need to detail my refrigerator like its a fine, imported sports car, but some might.

At any rate, you can see that NO ONE is going to be successful with a mess like this one!  Office supplies...STAT!  Usher in a detailed, checklist table of all necessary paperwork, gigantar binder, some page protectors, post-its, and a label maker and this job becomes a bit more manageable.

It took some doing, a few trips to the garbage can, a few trips to the printer, and some gnashing of teeth, but eventually, this massive amount of disorganized schtuff calmed down and moved into its new digs.

No one loves a good binder more than this girl.  Expanding folders are nice. 

I've made 'do with a hanging file box before, but a binder is perfection. 

Easily organizable, portable and available in so many fetching colors. 

You just can't beat a good binder.

This large binder is a leftover from a law school project that gobbled up all the current dossier paperwork with room for more--good thing because there will be more.  Not much more, thankfully, but still more.  Always more.  Sigh.
I had to organize all this to see where we are for certain.  Time keeps on ticking.

I dropped my husband off this morning to head back for a final round of in-state training before he leaves for another state and then overseas.  We have very little time between now and then to secure the necessary paperwork, signatures, authentications, etc.  It's an amazing process.  It's a process I wish I did not have to complete alone, but truth be told, even if my husband were here, I'd be doing most of this alone.  The gathering and fretting could be a two person job but all this organization is best left to one woman's melon. 

I cannot tell you the weight that is off my shoulders having this in the binder!  Tomorrow, I can design a plan of attack for securing the remaining necessary paperwork, make the necessary copies and be all set for a notary funfest in another couple weeks. 

Keep your fingers crossed for us!  Things are moving along and I hope more exciting updates will be coming very soon!

Hurry Up and Wait

For a military family, the phrase 'hurry up and wait' can always bring a rueful, knowing smile.  I'm thinking the National Guard has allowed us to practice for the rollercoaster of international adoption.

On the one hand, I have a huge stack of paperwork that will comprise our dossier.  This stack is almost complete.  And yet, there are lots of steps to complete once it is finally done.  We aren't even truly waiting yet.  You can't be waiting while your to-do list is still full.

On another front, our home study report is one step closer to being finally finished.  I cannot tell you what a relief all that will be!

I'm still concerned about the USCIS fingerprint appointment.  I realized after reading other blogs that even though I was allowed to leave, I could still fail this fingerprint screening as I have all the other electronic attempts I've made in my lifetime.  I'm not sure how many fingerprints have to be "good" for a passing score.  I doubt I passed.  If that's the case, I have to return to try again.  When I fail that one, then there is an alternative procedure--another background check in my municipality and an interview with CIS plus signing some sworn statement.  I'm imagining this taking some sweet time.

In happier news, I can tell you that M3 did receive our care package and reportedly was very fond of its contents, especially the sunglasses!  Once we are officially referred our girl, I'm hoping for photos and/or video of the exchange.  Of course, nothing can be shared publicly until she is officially, officially ours.  For good measure, I may not share photos here until we pass court and are on our way home.  I've also considered taking the blog private when our paperwork goes to Ethiopia for safe measure, but I'll keep you posted on that in case a password becomes necessary.

My husband will be home sometime this weekend to celebrate Easter with us.  I love Easter.  All the promise of the day itself plus the breath of fresh air spring provides.  Looking forward to it all and very hopeful this will be our last Easter with only two little girls in the house!

Efficient Federal Agency...

Nope.  Not a punchline to a joke nor an example of an oxymoron.  It's the descriptor of the experience my husband and I had at USCIS this morning.

We reported at 8 a.m. and were 3rd and 4th in line and were back in our car at 8:34 a.m. after having both our fingerprints taken.  Smooooth sailing and for ONCE, the digital machine seemed not to hate me so much and acted like my fingerprints were acceptable.

I spoke with our home study agency today and our home study report is in its final stages--editing and then onto our adoption agency for approval.  Once that occurs, we can be referred M3 officially, have her file looked over by the experts at Cincinnati Children's, accept her referral, finalize our other paperwork and wait on USCIS to issue our approval form...then, onto finalizing our dossier.

I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and it's NOT an oncoming train!

Thanks for your continued interest!  We'll continue to keep you posted!!

Finally! Background Clearance!

The notarized and signed copies of our background clearances arrived in the mail today.  For that, I am thankful and thrilled.

I am going to try and ignore the fact that my form reads "Date completed:  February 10, 2009."

Yep.  Fingerprints taken February 5, cleared five days later.

No less than a half dozen calls made by me and I know my home study agency placed at least a couple on our behalf.  But, apparently, no one actually checked the computer when they kept telling us to be patient. 

I'm just thankful it is finally here!

Now, our home study report can be finalized and sent to our adoption agency as well as the Immigration service.  Next step will be official referral.  Yea!

Driving On

In our family, "Drive on" is a familiar and favorite phrase. 

Delays in your paperwork?  Drive on.

Wonder when you will see your husband again?  Drive on.

Girls overtired and whiny?  Drive on.

It's our military family's way of saying, "Quit yer complainin!"

Complaining is one of those things that is very easy to do.  Then, once you start, it's hard to stop and it's also difficult to have your concerns taken seriously if all you do is kvetch and wail.

Our family experienced a loss over the weekend in the unexpected death of my 89-year-old grandma.  I'm going to take a page from her book, though, and not complain.  My grandma never complained.  About anything.  If she did, I never knew.  She always seemed to find the good in her situation, whatever it was, and concentrate on it. 

Maybe it's because she lived through the Depression.  Maybe it's because she spent time as a military wife during WWII with three small children when she was barely more than a child herself.  Not sure.  But, she had a knack for finding silver linings.

So, today, when I phone my state's criminal bureau AGAIN to inquire why I am STILL waiting on my criminal background check that began with fingerprints taken February FIFTH, I will try to do so with a smile.  I will not think about the fact that I went through this exact process less than a year ago so I could sit for the bar.  Or, that my homestudy is only waiting for this piece.  And, until my homestudy is done, we cannot receive M3's official referral or apply for adoption grants.  Or, that I purposely started our homestudy first to more quickly accomplish both those things...nope.  Not gonna think about that.
And, I'm especially not going to think about a little girl, a world away, waiting another MONTH because someone cannot seem to find the print button on the computer.  Nope.  Not gonna do it.

I will also take a page from my Grandma's book,though, when I go into battle for one of my own kids.  I don't think she'd mind me being squeaky wheel on behalf of one of her great-grandkids.  I'm sure once she's settled in Heaven, she'll set about moving things along for us.

We continue to drive on paperwork wise...we're mostly waiting on other people at this point. 

M1 Has Wonderful Friends

Today is a day that, as a Mom, I can't help but smile.  And, I know if my heart is this warm, the Mom of a particular birthday girl has to be even more so.  I'm so proud of her daughter.  I can only imagine that she is as well, ten-fold.

M1 attended a birthday party of a friend she has had since preschool.  M2 was invited to tag-a-long for the fun and we three attended the party after a very exciting 4th grade volleyball game.  I had been given a head's up regarding a little surprise the birthday girl had planned for M1, but I didn't post it here because I didn't want to ruin the surprise!

Rather than have presents and cards from her friends, the birthday girl requested that her friends consider becoming 1 of our 4,000.  Her mom said she really wanted to be a part of it and lots of the girls had talked about wanting to offer their support to M1 too.  So, the birthday girl made a certificate, had the guests sign it and presented it along with what she had collected from her friends.  Sixteen people stepped up to join our loving group of friends and family waiting to welcome M3 to America.

In the past couple weeks, we have also had one of M1's Girl Scout leaders, a dear law school friend of mine, and a fellow military spouse/blogger, express their intention to jump in the group and root for Hope's Homecoming.

The group waiting to welcome Hope home now stands at the equivalent of 384 folks.  Awesome!

We appreciate your continued prayers and well wishes.  We just keep moving toward our dream of welcoming our M3 into our home as soon as possible!