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« Needing a Minute to Reflect | Main

April 14, 2011


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I am still cheering for you from here in TX - granted I have tears in my eyes. You are amazing, your husband is amazing and I trust that you will make the right decision for you family. I am behind you 100% in whatever you decide to do. But you knew that already. (((HUGS)))


Excellent description what it's like to raise a RAD kid. We've got five, though they aren't all to the same degree. Keep up the good fight, and check out Nancy Thomas, too!

M3's Mom

Thanks, Matt. I can barely see straight just with M3 in the house. I have no idea what I would do if I had multiple RAD kids in the house, regardless of degree.

I've read Nancy Thomas & wish we lived somewhere near where she has her camps. We're starting in our own state with Dr. Keck.

No one is really offering us anything in the way of hope. Our professional team tell us we're great parents, but that M3 is just a particularly difficult nut to crack & our family dynamic may not be right for her healing. Our extended family tell us we're horrible parents (never mind our 2 wonderfully behaved neuro-typical kids whom, I guess, are who they are in spite of us), we're unfeeling, uncaring, cruel, etc. We either don't leave the house or we do & have to completely unplug ourselves from our emotions so we don't allow their disdainful looks and self-righteous words make us lose sight of our duties to M3.
What I don't understand is how some people have absolutely no problem having a boundary where their children are concerned that is respected and we simply do NOT.


This is Matt's wife - You know something M3's Mom, you are awesome and you have something that will sustain you even in the darkest moments, your humor! Keep a hold of that, it will serve you well in doing the RAD work. And you are not ALONE - there are many of us who will take phone calls day or night, from the Pysch Ward or Juvenile Detention and will cry and love on you. AND have no allegiance to peanut butter! :-)


Have you tried the "Circle of Security" DVD from Nancy Thomas? It really explains RAD to people in your kid's life - sometimes that works better than you trying to explain it. We've given it to friends, family, and now we're starting to give it to people in their lives - it's made a big difference. When asked what she does for a living, Nancy says "I work with abused parents". So true.

Another thing she says is "How can you tell if a RAD kid has awesome parents? They still have all their arms and legs!" Being a parent of a RADish is about the hardest thing in the world. I don't mean to plug my blog, but here's an article about loving a RAD kid. You might like the video toward the bottom.

M3's Mom

Thank you, Matt & Julie. And, plug away. I'm hoping when people Google "reactive attachment disorder" they may land here & be connected to other sites with far more experience & information to add to the pot than I have developed yet.

I really appreciate you guys reaching out & I will definitely check out your link and the DVD you mentioned. That sounds like something I may need to order in bulk. :)


I read your blog all the time and I am praying for you today.


Hi, this is Matt again. I wanted to let you know that we started a parents forum on our parenting site, and I was hoping that you and your readers might want to join and share trials, tribulations, and successes! The location is and we'd love to have you!


Wow, I just came across this post and I am SO unbelievably thankful for it. Having just experienced a huge social event this weekend, it really hits home.

Yours in solidarity in the peanut butter sea!


Appreciate the post. We had 2 RAD kids after 2 bio kids. Sadly, after trying EVERYTHING we were unable to parent one of the children... and the other, only after out of home residential care. It still affects every aspect of our lives. Our bio kids' innocence is stolen forever and they struggle emotionally and socially daily. No one understands except for some friends with RAD kiddos too. It makes life so lonely and many times we lose the respect of friends and even family because they don't understand our child's "allergies." Thanks for your transparent post. We parents of RAD kiddos need each other.

International Adoption Agencies

I am still entertaining for you from here in TX - given I have holes in my face. You are awesome, your man is awesome and I confidence that you will create the right choice for you loved ones. I am behind you 100% in whatever you choose to do. But you realized that already.

Wendy Thacker

Your food allergy analogy is perfect. I, too, feel like I am surrounded by people covered in peanut butter! I truly appreciate your ability to maintain a sense of humor amid the chaos and emotional exhaustion of parenting a child with RAD. Wishing you strength and peace as you take the next steps with your family.


Please, please, please read our petition on regarding Post-Adoption support for Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder. The petition can be found here:

An e-mail will be sent to every Governor's office. So many families are struggling to find affordable, effective treatment. Please, lend your voice.


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