5 For Hope

Premature Singing

We had such a tremendous sermon at church today that I thought I'd better come memorialize it lest anyone who googles something to do with Ethiopian adoption, delay, frustration, etc. would land on my last post and wonder if I'd lost sight of what's what.  I think I am more prone to become clouded in my view of where we are headed because of all the other emotional things going on in the house on any given day--especially as we are within a week of Christmas.  It's very hard to be by myself for this holiday--again.  The first time turned out quite lovely, but it doesn't make me less apprehensive about my abilities to handle things alone this time.

Anyway, about church.

Our pastor talked about how heralding the birth of Jesus, even while he was still being carried by Mary (as in the instance where she visited Elizabeth and John leaped in Elizabeth's womb), was a testament to people that we should rest in the knowledge and rely on our faith.  We may not actually know how the story turns out, but we know.

He went on to say that when we worry we are not trusting in that truth.  We are questioning the very nature of what God says he will do.  In other words, if I believe this adoption is God's will (which I do) then my worrying over it and questioning if it will ever take place chips away and questions whatever else I know to be true based on faith.

The pastor also quoted an article he read that said, "Blessings come when you trust that the will of God will be fulfilled."

I needed to hear it today and if you are in the same spot we are in, you do too.

End of the Line

The second time was decidedly not a charm.  And, I'm not feeling very understanding or warm and fuzzy about it.  I know by now I should be better at this, but I am not.  The carefully crafted facade of someone with a great deal of understanding and unwavering faith that things happen for a reason becomes a little more cracked every time we are placed at the back of the line.

We find ourselves there once again.

Our case will not be reheard until January 12th.  That's over three weeks from now.  Twenty-four days to be exact.

M3's mother came to court.  She did what she needed to do to effectuate the adoption.  For that, we are extremely thankful.  I have thought about what those moments must have been like for her and I wish I had been somewhere around to just to tell her something, anything to make her feel less like she must have felt.  There are no adequate words, however, and so it is likely best that meeting will wait for another day.

Unfortunately, the governmental agency responsible for our last delay (the representative took a holiday to celebrate the Universal Day of the Child) also cost us yesterday.  The agency has to produce a letter of approval for the adoption to be finalized and for the case to 'pass court.'  The agency has apparently not written any such letter for any adoption agency for the past three days.  By my calculation, it is quite impossible for the agency to provide any type of result for more than 3 or 4 weeks at a clip.  Unfortunately for us, we are caught in the cycle of being before the court when this agency's wheels inevitably come off.  This cycle is maddening and disheartening and infuriating.  JUST DO IT ALREADY I want to scream.  And have.  But there is no one listening.

We also found out that my husband will be home from his deployment earlier than expected.  It is quite possible that I will have to wave to him over the Atlantic as he comes home and I head to Africa.  It is incomprehensible to me that we have another month to even have a chance at seeing this thing come to an end.

I so pictured this week differently.  I wanted to be able to share M3's photo with all our families and friends in our Christmas cards and include our good news in our update letter.  Now, I don't even want to send anything.  Too much work and for what?  An incomplete photo of our family?  No thanks.

I just can't even talk about this anymore.  Like we don't have enough missing this Christmas that we also have to deal with this garbage.

Here's to yet ANOTHER month of standing at the back of the line.

Second Time's a Charm?

Let's hope so.

I'd rather not have to wait for a third (or fourth!) court date to be able to call M3 our official new family member.  Little does the Ethiopian government know that the minute I saw her little face on that photo waiting list, she was our daughter.  I knew that even if she didn't come to live with us, I would need to know that she was okay.  There was just something about that little girl that said, "You won't forget this face."

Tomorrow this time I'll be constantly checking my cell phone to make sure it's on, turned up, battery charged, etc.  It will be an entire choreographed dance of caring, pretending not to care, freaking out, pretending to be calm.  I just remember what it was like the first go 'round and how even though I knew it might be a 'first' rather than 'only' court date, I was still a sobbing mess when I hung up with our agency after learning we'd have to wait an entire month to give it another go.

It is a very strange feeling I have today.  I know I'm nervous because my stomach has been upset, but it isn't something I'm consciously fretting over--it's all going on in the background.

The girls have already decided we should all go to bed early tonight--they selected 7:30 p.m.  We will see how closely we hit that mark, but I think if I can fall asleep, that's a good way to chip away at the hours between now and then.

We currently have friends on their way to Ethiopia to pick up their infant twin boys.  They took a doll with them from us.  They plan to deliver it to M3 for us and try to convey to her that her family is so close to coming and that it won't be long.  I want them to be able to say that with real confidence.

Thank you for sticking with us on the journey.  I hope I can reward your patience with some absolutely awesome news tomorrow!

Come Over For Coffee

We've said it before:  Ethiopia is the birthplace of not only M3, but also coffee.  I stumbled onto a way to introduce you to some fabulous fair trade coffees while assisting 5 for Hope in reaching its long-term goals. 

The gift giving season is here and if you are looking for a gift for yourself or you wish to brighten up the palates of visitors over the holidays, consider stopping in to the 5 for Hope Coffeehouse and placing an order.  Although it appears you have to join a coffee club on the landing page, you don't.  Simply go to the sidebar menu list on the left and click around to see all the items Just Love Coffee offers for your purchase.  If you place an order through our personal family page at Just Love Coffee, not only will you receive some of the best coffee on the planet, you will be helping us with our financial adoption goals.

Once you try this coffee, you will want to re-order, so be sure to bookmark our family's page or click on this symbol in our left sidebar to return to our Coffeehouse anytime.

We look forward to hearing your reviews and reports on your coffee!  Once you place your order, the coffee ships the following day via USPS and will arrive at your home in 3-4 days! 

Plenty of time to place your order for Christmas gatherings, gift exchanges, hostess gifts, teacher gifts or even to stash in the pantry for those folks who bring you a gift but for whom you had not planned on buying a gift.  Just slap a bow on it and you're golden!  And, if no one brings you an unexpected gift, Merry Christmas to YOU...you can enjoy it yourself!

T-Minus 10 and Counting

We are now 10 days from our rescheduled court date.  Maybe it's because the last week or two have been rough schedule wise that I feel a little less than optimistic about this upcoming hearing.  I just keep praying that things will happen when they are supposed to and try not to add the caveat that this would be a really good time for things to happen.

On Saturday, we received a DVD with footage of M3 on it.  I'm never sure what to expect when I receive one of those DVDs.  Sometimes, it's several segments and lots of footage.  Other times, just a snippet.

This time, it was just a snippet.

M3 did not look like herself.  She looked tinier than she did in the most recent photos I have of her.  Her eyes did not have that familiar snap and her smile wasn't as bright.  The only welcome change in her appearance was her hair--growing in finally and my mind raced with all the cute styles we can try.

It broke my heart to see her looking so unlike the little spitfire I've seen in previous photos and videos.

Please, God, let the 18th come and let this be it for our family.  We want M3 home!

Hey, Buddy. May I Borrow A Rope?

I feel as if I am in need of a rope to pull myself from this huge hole in which I find myself.  The past few weeks have been very tiring.  The time change always leads to craziness in my life for some unknown reason.  It becomes dark too early and my sleep cycle has been wacky.  Add to that girls that bicker entirely too much and listen entirely too little as well as some unexpected expenses this week and I'm spent.

We also received an e-mail from our adoption agency caseworker letting us know that the Embassy in Ethiopia has requested an amendment to our homestudy.  When this all began, we were under the impression that M3 was 3 or 4.  By the time we submitted our paperwork to the court, we estimated her age to be 4 or 5.  However, when her referral paperwork came through, the birth date shown made her solidly 6.  Never mind that the doctor at the International Adoption Clinic thinks not and that we will likely amend her birthday if the tests show, as the doctor suspects, that she is younger.  Her paperwork says she is 6.

Our homestudy says we are approved to adopt a girl between the ages of 4 and 6.

Apparently, once you turn 6, you are as good as 7 in paperwork world.  She is now, technically, too old for our homestudy approval range. 

This means our social worker has to write an amendment to the homestudy report.

I have to write a statement as to why this amendment is necessary.  (Uh, because no one has any clue how old anyone is and this is TAKING SO LONG!!!!!)

Then, all this has to be submitted with a form to our USCIS field office in Cincinnati.

I am to the point where I am over the deployment.  Seriously over it.

Things like this really become burrs under my saddle when I am where I am mentally with other things.  In this case, deployment has made my nerves very raw and the rollercoaster that is international adoption is way less thrilling and more nauseating than I'm prepared for at the moment.

I want to just be waiting.

Not amending and freaking out and having kiniption fits over paperwork and signatures and seals.  And worrying about whether or not I will have all I need when I get where I'm going.  Talk about horses before carts as I need to GET where I'm going first and I'm having no luck with that either.

Our second court date is still December 18th.

I have already determined that this amendment activity will be completed this week.  If I have to call the social worker three times a day, that packet will be complete and on its way to Cincinnati by week's end. 

I'm just exhausted and thinking of my girl sitting there one more minute breaks my heart.

Ugh.