It has been a week since my phone conversation with the director of the non-governmental agency (NGO).
If I had written a synopsis of every day in between that phone call and now, it would be enough to give a person whiplash. My husband and I have shared a lot of harsh words, kind words, tears and laughter. It has been a remarkable little piece of our relationship that will be memorable regardless of the eventual outcome.
A few realizations were made. First, it is highly likely that my husband had slipped into the pre-deployment haze that disengages a military member from his home life long before he actually deploys. Once he snapped from that, we were able to have some productive discussions. It's safe to say he did not 1) realize how serious I was about completing an adoption in the very near future and 2) he did not anticipate a child being available to us in such a short period of time.
The deployment continues to loom over us and it is the major sticking point in our decision making process. I'm not the most rational when it comes to M3 because I have already allowed her to set up residence in my heart and imagination. Moms tend to lead with their hearts when it comes to little people, though, so I'm not so surprised at my level of affection toward this little girl I have never met.
As it stands, I sent the director of the NGO an e-mail today which basically requested an update on M's status. If the other family originally interested in her has already submitted paperwork and locked her file, our continuing to discuss M specifically is moot...although I think we'll still be discussing adoption. If, however, the situation has changed such that she is without an adoption plan at the moment, I can see my husband entertaining the idea of running the gauntlet between now and when he deploys to make this dream a reality.
So much to think about and do!
For now, though, it's just obsessively refreshing my e-mail screen and waiting on a reply. Sigh.